If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
