i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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