I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
