Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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