DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
