I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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