we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Randomize
