trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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