People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
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