dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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