alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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