the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
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Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
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He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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