Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
