im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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