I understand Curling. That high.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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