I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
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