So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
