she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
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