I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
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