Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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