fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
