I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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