Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
