We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
