i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
