I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
