Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
