She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Hippo gnu deer
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
