I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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