If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
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Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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