The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I know her cup size but not her name....
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
