I want to stick my p in your. b.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Randomize
