the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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