just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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