Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
