i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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