do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
