ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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