I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
