i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I just gargled with NyQuil
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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