If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
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