if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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