he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
