yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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