apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
