I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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