I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Just cropdusted the office
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Randomize
