break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
