youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
