my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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