A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
A+ Viking dick
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