I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
