fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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