I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
