Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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