mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
