she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
