Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I party with great urgency now.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
