I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
