i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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