Please, let me fuck your mom
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
