Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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