just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
