And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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