new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
