dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
