you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
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I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
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Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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