you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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