I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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