I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
