we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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