You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
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