my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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