My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
