just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
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