I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
