Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
