just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
