I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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