I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Randomize
