woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
