I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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